yes i will lock the door

so maybe i'm in love or maybe just so
maybe just i'm in love with bodies on bodies i think
i think that's it
the summer came and the summer went and it was
it was sweet and salty and it was
a stone flinging over water
but the steam still rises in my bed at night
so no, summer is not gone from me alright
just there's no more riverstones in my head
and i hate when i try
but it just don't work, and the try falls away
today's chapter in why i'm too nice
in my heart lives behind my ears
in but i'm gunna do it anyway
so be quiet cause mom and dad might hear
boys don't suck cock in the basement at the sleepover
be quiet that's not what they do, be quiet

from my grandfather's will

"together as our final gift, we leave each of you, curt, chris, cary, lesley, sharon, cindy, john, willie, dulcey, and sally, all the love that we shared with you and with each other. use it to add to our love and respect for each other. we rest easy knowing that in all your actions, you will be worthy of the great pride we took in each of you.

we made a gallant effort to live with honor and love and you are our greatest reward and legacy.

god bless you and keep you. we have done all we can."

i come from a long line of soft-hearted men. gives me hope.

more later.

oh yes

come september, I lose so many people and places and things I've survived on for 8 months.

there are a lot of things I stand to gain but I'd rather wallow right now.

sometimes it just feels so good to be sad.

-

there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

[charles bukowski]