I
she told her customers about the gemstone nebula
at her store
she paid them attention that she never gave to me
cat woman
II
she used me to heal herself
charm
her big knuckled hands and lingering gaze
the good side
hidden violent anger and her ribs, a prison
and ghosts
the bad
III
tonight when i sat on the toilet to pee
it occurred to me that i might be in love
every time
my tongue finds the tiny hairs
at the nape of your neck
and you sigh
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
at least the cover art is neat
today's installment of shit that pisses me off:
i woke at up at charm city's house after he left for work and was layin around with the cat on my belly reading books i found on his bookshelf. there was this one, evasion, that i've wanted to check out for a long time. it was borne out of a zine chronicling the experiences of this unnamed kid who goes around dumpstering and squatting and stealing and living off excess. it's interesting, kinda. and granted, i didn't read the whole thing, but i stopped at the first sentence of like, the second paragraph, and knew it was gonna piss me off. the author, who is anonymous, insists that poverty is the key to living a rich life. ugh. i kept reading for like 50 pages, cause that's what i do, and all he did was reinforce this notion that a lot of kids who grew up in the suburbs (he did) have - that not having money, being a "starving artist," is the most honest way to live and gives you some insight into something. that it will teach you secrets about humanity or whatever. fuck all these kids who grew up with money and so can risk not having it. this kid chose not to have a job cause he knew he could steal anything he wanted and not get caught cause he's a white kid with all the cultural capital of an upper-class person. it would be one thing if there was even an instance of reflexivity about the fact that can and does choose to not have a job and refers to what money he does have as "vinyl money" (to be spent on records)... but from what i read there's not. just arrogance and privilege that he's proud of. and that's not even all the fucked up shit - just what i remember.
and all these kids think evasion is a religion now or something. ugh fuck off.
and all these kids think evasion is a religion now or something. ugh fuck off.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
honey and the moon
so i should be writing for the bit that's due to my committee on friday, but instead i think i'll say this:
1. i am really touched that charm city came to visit me tonight bearing gifts (wings) and Xs and Os. he is a special one. the tenderness never really ceases to amaze. he's just right. and so queer he sweats glitter (not kidding).
2. i love div iii. i promise. which is why i'm avoiding it right now? it makes sense, i promise. i have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of note taking and a lot of processing information but i am constantly distracted by reading things related to it that it's hard to write. is this what it feels like to be one with your labor?
3. i have a queue of things to knit for people and i'm pretty excited for all of my prospective projects. i don't know why knitting isn't more popular with all the DIY punk kids i know.
this is getting boring.
dyke OUT.
1. i am really touched that charm city came to visit me tonight bearing gifts (wings) and Xs and Os. he is a special one. the tenderness never really ceases to amaze. he's just right. and so queer he sweats glitter (not kidding).
2. i love div iii. i promise. which is why i'm avoiding it right now? it makes sense, i promise. i have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of note taking and a lot of processing information but i am constantly distracted by reading things related to it that it's hard to write. is this what it feels like to be one with your labor?
3. i have a queue of things to knit for people and i'm pretty excited for all of my prospective projects. i don't know why knitting isn't more popular with all the DIY punk kids i know.
this is getting boring.
dyke OUT.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the beginning.
On July 31, 1994, the Lesbian Avengers rode the ferry out to Nautical Day, a popular yearly event at Staten Island’s Alice Austen House. In keeping with the theme of Nautical Day, the women of the Avengers were dressed like turn-of-the-century sailors, carrying two inner-tubes with the words “dyke preserver” on the sides, and singing homemade sea chanteys about Alice Austen’s lesbianism. They brought brochures to distribute about Austen’s life as a lesbian and the Avengers’ action, which were designed to appear similar to the information pamphlets produced by the museum. Before they left the Alice Austen House, some of the Avengers stuffed the new brochures in every book in the museum gift shop. They gave a presentation in front of a gathered crowd and near the Board of Directors Tent on Alice Austen’s lesbian life, explaining that she lived in the house, now the museum, with Gertrude Tate, her lover of 55 years. The response was mixed: the members of the Board were hostile, many spectators were confused, and a handful of initially skeptical women ultimately confronted the director of the Board over the issue.
Alice Austen was a turn of the century photographer whose work has been featured in many collections, both in New York City and elsewhere, because she was prolific and covered many subjects. The action at the Alice Austen House Nautical Day festival responded to the museum’s unwillingness to admit that Austen was a lesbian. Initially, it was a question of omission; however, when pressed, the Board of Directors of the Alice Austen House insisted that Austen was straight. When Amy Khoudari, a Ph.D. student, presented her dissertation about Austen’s photographic documentation of lesbian and gay life in the upper middle class from the turn of the century through the 1920s, the Board of Directors began restricting her access to materials, “making it very difficult” for her to continue to research at the Alice Austin House. Khoudari approached the Avengers with her story, who then agreed to form an action in response.
However, before the Avengers had even heard of the situation at the Alice Austen House, there was conflict over the question of Austen’s sexuality. In the summer of 1994, the New York Public Library curated an exhibit entitled “Becoming Visible: The Legacy of Stonewall,” which featured several of Alice Austen’s photographs. When Mel A. Hardin, who identified himself as a member of the Staten Island community and a previous curator of an exhibit of Austen’s work, discovered this, he began a correspondence with the NYPL where he suggested that a disclaimer accompany the Stonewall exhibit. He hoped the disclaimer would insist that though her photographs were used to explore gay and lesbian relationships that there is no definitive evidence that the photographer herself was a lesbian. The curators of the exhibit elected to not follow this suggestion, explaining that “[though] there may be strong arguments on each side of this issue, our exhibit did not express an opinion on this issue, and the focus of our exhibit, of course, was not Alice Austen.” Though the New York Public Library may have used her work to represent pre-Stonewall gay and lesbian life, any mention of Alice Austen’s sexuality remained somewhere between contested and simply forgotten. As Terry Castle argues, “virtually every distinguished woman suspected of homosexuality has had her biography sanitized at one point or another in the interest of order and public safety.” Whether or not this satisfied Hardin’s request, the result was that a woman who loved another woman was made to disappear, even as her own work was used to explore lesbian life.
Enter the Lesbian Avengers, who strive for lesbian visibility, faced with a clear example of lesbian invisibility. Unsurprisingly, their action was not popular with all, as Mel Hardin followed up his correspondence with the New York Public Library in an impassioned letter to the Lesbian Avengers regarding the Alice Austen House Action. He argues that if the New York Public Library and the curators of the Stonewall exhibit neither confirm nor deny her sexuality, the Avengers’ intent was to “hijack the soul and sexuality” of Alice Austen for their own purposes.
Though Mel Hardin is but one man, his response typifies many of the ideologies that the Avengers attacked in their actions, both at the Alice Austen House and others. For example, Hardin explains his position: “I write to you as a man who is happily married to a professional woman who chose at the time of our marriage to use the name she was given at birth.” This interjection typifies how the philosophy and theory of feminism is often boiled down to a woman’s decision to retain her last name or pursue a career. Further, it colludes the question of lesbian visibility with an idea of feminism (though a hugely simplistic one) - even though a scholar of either would never claim that to be a feminist is to inherently care about lesbians. Hardin then illustrates how lesbianism and feminism may come in conflict (albeit through the eyes of a straight man), arguing that by naming Austen’s lesbianism, “this is much as saying to children that if they show an interest in photography, they must be lesbians. Therefore you now become a group who is suppressing heterosexual women from becoming photographers.” This type of argument demonstrates both why the Lesbian Avengers existed as well as why they existed solely for lesbian issues. The Avengers saw the lesbian buried in straight feminist ideology, fighting on behalf of straight women with little to no support in return.
However, the invisibility of the lesbian exists two-fold: within the straight community and within the queer community as well. In the beginning of his letter, Hardin defends his position by alerting the Avengers that “Alice’s sexuality makes no difference to me as my 31 year old son is homosexual and has HIV.” Hardin folds lesbians back into the gay male community, as if tolerating or accepting an HIV positive son indicates a respect, understanding, or dedication to lesbians. The Lesbian Avengers, founded in part due to this very problem, aimed specifically to remove the lesbian from within the umbrella of queer activism, for “as soon as the lesbian is lumped in - for better or for worse - with her male counterpart, the singularity of her experience (sexual and otherwise) tends to become obscured... such forgetting can even occur, ironically enough, at the very instant the lesbian is asserting herself most vehemently.”
Alice Austen was a turn of the century photographer whose work has been featured in many collections, both in New York City and elsewhere, because she was prolific and covered many subjects. The action at the Alice Austen House Nautical Day festival responded to the museum’s unwillingness to admit that Austen was a lesbian. Initially, it was a question of omission; however, when pressed, the Board of Directors of the Alice Austen House insisted that Austen was straight. When Amy Khoudari, a Ph.D. student, presented her dissertation about Austen’s photographic documentation of lesbian and gay life in the upper middle class from the turn of the century through the 1920s, the Board of Directors began restricting her access to materials, “making it very difficult” for her to continue to research at the Alice Austin House. Khoudari approached the Avengers with her story, who then agreed to form an action in response.
However, before the Avengers had even heard of the situation at the Alice Austen House, there was conflict over the question of Austen’s sexuality. In the summer of 1994, the New York Public Library curated an exhibit entitled “Becoming Visible: The Legacy of Stonewall,” which featured several of Alice Austen’s photographs. When Mel A. Hardin, who identified himself as a member of the Staten Island community and a previous curator of an exhibit of Austen’s work, discovered this, he began a correspondence with the NYPL where he suggested that a disclaimer accompany the Stonewall exhibit. He hoped the disclaimer would insist that though her photographs were used to explore gay and lesbian relationships that there is no definitive evidence that the photographer herself was a lesbian. The curators of the exhibit elected to not follow this suggestion, explaining that “[though] there may be strong arguments on each side of this issue, our exhibit did not express an opinion on this issue, and the focus of our exhibit, of course, was not Alice Austen.” Though the New York Public Library may have used her work to represent pre-Stonewall gay and lesbian life, any mention of Alice Austen’s sexuality remained somewhere between contested and simply forgotten. As Terry Castle argues, “virtually every distinguished woman suspected of homosexuality has had her biography sanitized at one point or another in the interest of order and public safety.” Whether or not this satisfied Hardin’s request, the result was that a woman who loved another woman was made to disappear, even as her own work was used to explore lesbian life.
Enter the Lesbian Avengers, who strive for lesbian visibility, faced with a clear example of lesbian invisibility. Unsurprisingly, their action was not popular with all, as Mel Hardin followed up his correspondence with the New York Public Library in an impassioned letter to the Lesbian Avengers regarding the Alice Austen House Action. He argues that if the New York Public Library and the curators of the Stonewall exhibit neither confirm nor deny her sexuality, the Avengers’ intent was to “hijack the soul and sexuality” of Alice Austen for their own purposes.
Though Mel Hardin is but one man, his response typifies many of the ideologies that the Avengers attacked in their actions, both at the Alice Austen House and others. For example, Hardin explains his position: “I write to you as a man who is happily married to a professional woman who chose at the time of our marriage to use the name she was given at birth.” This interjection typifies how the philosophy and theory of feminism is often boiled down to a woman’s decision to retain her last name or pursue a career. Further, it colludes the question of lesbian visibility with an idea of feminism (though a hugely simplistic one) - even though a scholar of either would never claim that to be a feminist is to inherently care about lesbians. Hardin then illustrates how lesbianism and feminism may come in conflict (albeit through the eyes of a straight man), arguing that by naming Austen’s lesbianism, “this is much as saying to children that if they show an interest in photography, they must be lesbians. Therefore you now become a group who is suppressing heterosexual women from becoming photographers.” This type of argument demonstrates both why the Lesbian Avengers existed as well as why they existed solely for lesbian issues. The Avengers saw the lesbian buried in straight feminist ideology, fighting on behalf of straight women with little to no support in return.
However, the invisibility of the lesbian exists two-fold: within the straight community and within the queer community as well. In the beginning of his letter, Hardin defends his position by alerting the Avengers that “Alice’s sexuality makes no difference to me as my 31 year old son is homosexual and has HIV.” Hardin folds lesbians back into the gay male community, as if tolerating or accepting an HIV positive son indicates a respect, understanding, or dedication to lesbians. The Lesbian Avengers, founded in part due to this very problem, aimed specifically to remove the lesbian from within the umbrella of queer activism, for “as soon as the lesbian is lumped in - for better or for worse - with her male counterpart, the singularity of her experience (sexual and otherwise) tends to become obscured... such forgetting can even occur, ironically enough, at the very instant the lesbian is asserting herself most vehemently.”
[photo by alice austen]
Sunday, October 18, 2009
scheme and scream and fight real mean
yesterday i went to boston with the intention of stalking sarah schulman. i went to this.
so my division III project is going to be a history of the lesbian avengers (more later), but what i have discovered is that there is very little actually already written about them. which is terrifying. but mostly exciting. it means i get to interview the women i've been reading about for the past few years, and some who i am just learning of.
so in the middle of the screening i attended, i saw sarah schulman get up to leave. after a quick conference with a friend about whether or not it was appropriate to chase her, i ran out of the theater and caught her on the stairs. i tried to write down as much as i could from our conversation but everything was golden and amazing and i am consistently in awe by the whole thing. i wouldn't call the avengers my heroes because i don't really believe in heroes, but they are who i aspire to be.
unapologetic, strong, fierce, brilliant, confident, and brave. someday.
so my division III project is going to be a history of the lesbian avengers (more later), but what i have discovered is that there is very little actually already written about them. which is terrifying. but mostly exciting. it means i get to interview the women i've been reading about for the past few years, and some who i am just learning of.
so in the middle of the screening i attended, i saw sarah schulman get up to leave. after a quick conference with a friend about whether or not it was appropriate to chase her, i ran out of the theater and caught her on the stairs. i tried to write down as much as i could from our conversation but everything was golden and amazing and i am consistently in awe by the whole thing. i wouldn't call the avengers my heroes because i don't really believe in heroes, but they are who i aspire to be.
unapologetic, strong, fierce, brilliant, confident, and brave. someday.
"we're not waiting for the rapture. we are the apocalypse."
lesbian avengers' dyke manifesto
lesbian avengers' dyke manifesto
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
with fangs of fire and a gentle heart
i'm back in massachusetts, where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. that's the idea at least.
dear new york: you are gross, you are too hot or too cold, it hurts to breathe and i wake up nauseous in the mornings. i pay a lot of money for not a lot in return. i'm scared for the cyclists who ride without helmets. people are assholes and sometimes lack boundaries. but i'll miss the beautiful view from my fire escape, those two f subway stops above ground in brooklyn, the ambition of plants trying to grow. and i'll miss the artist formerly known as dino who has been once again taken by new jersey. and i'll miss the photo adventures, and the weekend run-aways into the city where i fall asleep in a different friend's apartment every night but the sounds outside are always the same. and trying to finish that handle of gin all summer. and the subway stop at waverly street, with the shitty bikes locked to it.
and the lesbians - always the lesbians - but that's a whole other story for another time. so there's no conclusion. instead i'll end with a quote said by martin luther king jr.:
dear new york: you are gross, you are too hot or too cold, it hurts to breathe and i wake up nauseous in the mornings. i pay a lot of money for not a lot in return. i'm scared for the cyclists who ride without helmets. people are assholes and sometimes lack boundaries. but i'll miss the beautiful view from my fire escape, those two f subway stops above ground in brooklyn, the ambition of plants trying to grow. and i'll miss the artist formerly known as dino who has been once again taken by new jersey. and i'll miss the photo adventures, and the weekend run-aways into the city where i fall asleep in a different friend's apartment every night but the sounds outside are always the same. and trying to finish that handle of gin all summer. and the subway stop at waverly street, with the shitty bikes locked to it.
and the lesbians - always the lesbians - but that's a whole other story for another time. so there's no conclusion. instead i'll end with a quote said by martin luther king jr.:
"we must constantly build dykes of courage to hold back the flood of fear."
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