tomorrow

... I move to brooklyn. here are some things I am feeling:
- excited
- lonely
- scared
- dusty
- stressed

it is not the moving that makes me feel bad things. it's the packing. I hate packing. I do it so much. when I feel like losing it and whimpering, "I just want to go home" into an available shoulder, what home do I mean? right now I have 3. but none of them are really homes. I don't live in austin anymore, I am leaving northampton tomorrow, and I don't live in brooklyn yet.

my heart is heavy. I miss her but I don't know where she is.

I am upset that I can't bring the two bags of food with me because I can't take more stuff on the bus.

but tonight peter invited me to light the last chanukah candle. we sang a prayer, my broken unsure voice trying to follow his. we played dreidel and bet with pennies and chocolate coins. I won. he gave me a gift - an antique rintintin watch - and I gave him my favorite ll cool j tape and mc hammer tape. he loves tapes. the cat is sleeping on my suitcase and the dog is on my bed. I am surrounded by chaos and am trying to find some peace somewhere but I think it might be in sleep. I spent the whole day melting and leaking.

goodnight, northampton. I'll be back in the fall.