that grrl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood

here's a collection of thoughts:

- i wish la roux wasn't such a terrible person.
- i'm starting to come around to the word "pussy" (hah get it, "come" around)
- i may be one of those people who likes to make my bed everyday now (thanks charm city)
- i wonder how much time i actually waste in relation to how much time i think i waste
- i pass div iii on my birthday
- i stopped taking birth control 3 weeks ago and it was the best decision i've made in a long time, because now my moods are back to normal and i'm not 90% depressed all the time
- but my period is coming and the pain that will surely accompany it scares me cause i'm back at square one

the end, but here's this:

warning: vague

well, this is unexpected.

so, have a poem, by e e cummings.
-
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves,since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds

-before leaving my room
i turn,and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow,dear
where our heads lived and were.

today's date is a palindrome

goals for 2k10 / life:

1. pursue more of what makes me happy
2. let it go
3. worry less
4. eat more fruit
5. graduate college
6. spend less time on the computer
7. and more time outside, once it's not a fucking tundra
8. be less cautious and more deliberate
9. be a good daughter
10. be honest, always

today i:
- got out of bed at 1
- thought about making coffee but then didn't
- found my collection of angel pins from when i was a kid who was convinced that going to church was the next new social scene, and everyone was invited but me
- took a bath, complete with sea salt scrub and a fancy french clay face mask
- re-read beloved by toni morrison

being home with very few friends left in this city leaves room for a lot of relaxing, but man oh man am i ready for some social interaction.

what i'm thankful for this holiday season

how is it that i can spend a year writing about the lesbian avengers and work with two professors, both of whom are lesbians?

at least the cover art is neat

today's installment of shit that pisses me off:

i woke at up at charm city's house after he left for work and was layin around with the cat on my belly reading books i found on his bookshelf. there was this one, evasion, that i've wanted to check out for a long time. it was borne out of a zine chronicling the experiences of this unnamed kid who goes around dumpstering and squatting and stealing and living off excess. it's interesting, kinda. and granted, i didn't read the whole thing, but i stopped at the first sentence of like, the second paragraph, and knew it was gonna piss me off. the author, who is anonymous, insists that poverty is the key to living a rich life. ugh. i kept reading for like 50 pages, cause that's what i do, and all he did was reinforce this notion that a lot of kids who grew up in the suburbs (he did) have - that not having money, being a "starving artist," is the most honest way to live and gives you some insight into something. that it will teach you secrets about humanity or whatever. fuck all these kids who grew up with money and so can risk not having it. this kid chose not to have a job cause he knew he could steal anything he wanted and not get caught cause he's a white kid with all the cultural capital of an upper-class person. it would be one thing if there was even an instance of reflexivity about the fact that can and does choose to not have a job and refers to what money he does have as "vinyl money" (to be spent on records)... but from what i read there's not. just arrogance and privilege that he's proud of. and that's not even all the fucked up shit - just what i remember.

and all these kids think evasion is a religion now or something. ugh fuck off.

honey and the moon

so i should be writing for the bit that's due to my committee on friday, but instead i think i'll say this:

1. i am really touched that charm city came to visit me tonight bearing gifts (wings) and Xs and Os. he is a special one. the tenderness never really ceases to amaze. he's just right. and so queer he sweats glitter (not kidding).

2. i love div iii. i promise. which is why i'm avoiding it right now? it makes sense, i promise. i have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of note taking and a lot of processing information but i am constantly distracted by reading things related to it that it's hard to write. is this what it feels like to be one with your labor?

3. i have a queue of things to knit for people and i'm pretty excited for all of my prospective projects. i don't know why knitting isn't more popular with all the DIY punk kids i know.

this is getting boring.
dyke OUT.